Emergency post: That is not what the “good” in Good Friday means

So evil muckraking rag which you must never buy, the Sun, has once again ruined my life by having the absolute worst take about Boris Johnson’s release from ICU. Ready? No. You are not.

Pray for us, St. George Michael, as we confront the Sun.

So here is the thing  – that is absolutely not what Good Friday means. “Good” in good Friday does not actually mean nice or pleasant.

Our boy Tommy Quine Quine explained exactly what the “good” means in his hymn Verbum supernum prodiens (which you can listen to the Georgian chant of here. You should. It is good.)

By false disciple to be given
to foemen for His Blood athirst,
Himself, the living Bread from heaven,
He gave to His disciples first.

To them He gave, in twofold kind,
His very Flesh, His very Blood:
of twofold substance man is made,
and He of man would be the Food.[1]

So that is pretty chill.

It means “good” because it means, in terms of Christian cosmology that Jesus’s death has made it possible for mankind to find salvation. He fucking actually DIES and DESCENDS INTO HELL in order to OFFSET ORIGINAL SIN. His actual physical body was offered up as spiritual nourishment for the faithful.

I mean it is Easter Saturday so technically JC was down in hell right fucking now letting all the homies out. This is called the harrowing of hell. You know, when Jesus cared about other people so much he went to go save them from their predicament himself, going into horrid spaces to liberate others?

In case you are keeping track, Boris has not actually done that.

What Boris did was give himself Corona Virus by intentionally shaking hands with people who already had it, because he apparently thought his immense privilege would shield him from it, much in the way that it has shielded him from ever facing a consequence before now.

And like, I get it. If you are a jingoistic organisation dedicated to disseminating Tory party propaganda, then probably you do want to paint Boris as a messiah, saving the UK from the perils of poor people ever being able to have a decent life. Also, you probably just want some catchy little slogan to feed to the people who you are continually intentionally misinforming in order to maintain the stranglehold of an entrenched oligarchy. Fiddle dee dee.

But here is the thing – that sort of comparison is deeply and intensely insulting to Christians and also people who actually know literally the first thing about Christianity which is that it is A RELIGION BASED AROUND THE DEATH OF JESUS TO ATONE FOR THE SINS OF MAN.

Boris ain’t even atoned for that haircut. So simmer the hell down. Christ.


[1] In mortem a discipulo
suis tradendus aemulis,
prius in vitae ferculo
se tradidit discipulis.

Quibus sub bina specie
carnem dedit et sanguinem;
ut duplicis substantiae
totum cibaret hominem.


If you enjoyed this, please consider contributing to my patreon. If not, that is chill too!


For more on medieval religion, see:
Religious iconography has always been a prop
On Odious Debt
My fav [not] saints: St Guinefort
On Prague, preaching, and brothels
JFC, calm down about the medieval Church
On “the way of carnal lust”, Joan of Leeds, and the difficulty of clerical celibacy
A short history of Jan Hus, the Protestant leader you’ve never heard of
On dildos and penance
My fav saints: St Wenceslas
Islam was the party religion, or, why it is lazy and essentialist to say that Islam oppresses women
On St Nicholas
On No Nut November
Considering bad motherfuckers: Hildegard of Bingen and Janelle Monáe
Emergency Pubcast – Why the Pope can’t just say there is no hell and do me like that
On Mike Pence, Holocaust Memorial Day, and Christian interpretations of Jewish utility
Keep the word ‘Judeo’ out of your racist mouth Nigel Farage
On the medieval separation of church and state, or, putting the ‘holy’ in Holy Roman Empire
On Jerusalem and the Apocalypse, or why you should be deeply unsettled right now
Look up – this church is judging you

For more on politics, see:
On martyrdom and nationalism
On a world without police
Religious iconography has always been a prop
Medieval policing and race reading lists
On Odious Debt
On the King’s two bodies and modern myth making
On defeats, small people, and the UK election
On colonialism, imperialism, and ignoring medieval history
On Q Anon and systems of knowledge
On Jerusalem and the Apocalypse, or why you should be deeply unsettled right now
On Mike Pence, Holocaust Memorial Day, and Christian interpretations of Jewish utility
On the medieval separation of Church and state, or, putting the ‘holy’ in Holy Roman Empire
History is a discipline, not a virtue
On medieval healthcare and American barbarism
Keep the word ‘Judeo’ out of your racist mouth Nigel Farage
On chronicles versus journalism and ruling versus governing
On the American election, teaching history, and why it matters
Such a nasty woman – on Eleanor of Aquitaine, femininity, reputation, and power
On power and entitlement to the bodies of lower-status women
Islam was the party religion, or, why it is lazy and essentialist to say that Islam oppresses women
The medieval case for remain, or, fuck Brexit

Author: Dr Eleanor Janega

Medieval historian, lush, George Michael evangelist.

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