So evil muckraking rag which you must never buy, the Sun, has once again ruined my life by having the absolute worst take about Boris Johnson’s release from ICU. Ready? No. You are not.
So here is the thing – that is absolutely not what Good Friday means. “Good” in good Friday does not actually mean nice or pleasant.
Our boy Tommy Quine Quine explained exactly what the “good” means in his hymn Verbum supernum prodiens (which you can listen to the Georgian chant of here. You should. It is good.)
By false disciple to be given
to foemen for His Blood athirst,
Himself, the living Bread from heaven,
He gave to His disciples first.
To them He gave, in twofold kind,
His very Flesh, His very Blood:
of twofold substance man is made,
and He of man would be the Food.[1]
So that is pretty chill.
It means “good” because it means, in terms of Christian cosmology that Jesus’s death has made it possible for mankind to find salvation. He fucking actually DIES and DESCENDS INTO HELL in order to OFFSET ORIGINAL SIN. His actual physical body was offered up as spiritual nourishment for the faithful.
I mean it is Easter Saturday so technically JC was down in hell right fucking now letting all the homies out. This is called the harrowing of hell. You know, when Jesus cared about other people so much he went to go save them from their predicament himself, going into horrid spaces to liberate others?
In case you are keeping track, Boris has not actually done that.
What Boris did was give himself Corona Virus by intentionally shaking hands with people who already had it, because he apparently thought his immense privilege would shield him from it, much in the way that it has shielded him from ever facing a consequence before now.
And like, I get it. If you are a jingoistic organisation dedicated to disseminating Tory party propaganda, then probably you do want to paint Boris as a messiah, saving the UK from the perils of poor people ever being able to have a decent life. Also, you probably just want some catchy little slogan to feed to the people who you are continually intentionally misinforming in order to maintain the stranglehold of an entrenched oligarchy. Fiddle dee dee.
But here is the thing – that sort of comparison is deeply and intensely insulting to Christians and also people who actually know literally the first thing about Christianity which is that it is A RELIGION BASED AROUND THE DEATH OF JESUS TO ATONE FOR THE SINS OF MAN.
Boris ain’t even atoned for that haircut. So simmer the hell down. Christ.
[1] In mortem a discipulo
suis tradendus aemulis,
prius in vitae ferculo
se tradidit discipulis.
Quibus sub bina specie
carnem dedit et sanguinem;
ut duplicis substantiae
totum cibaret hominem.
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